I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
