Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
