the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
