Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
