This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
