I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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