it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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