is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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