we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
