hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
