All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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