I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
