Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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