Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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