So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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