I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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