My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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