yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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