dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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