then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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