Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
