I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
