4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
pop tarts are not kleenex
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
