I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
