Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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