I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
