I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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