There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
