I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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