Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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