I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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