i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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