She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
