Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
