If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
