I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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