Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
