seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
