In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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