when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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