guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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