hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
