reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
