quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Less talking, more tequila
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
