I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
