it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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