just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
