After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
