he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
