I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
