If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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