Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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