No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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