I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize