There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
