So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
