if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
