I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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