we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
