it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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