yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
