i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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