Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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