You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
