Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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