I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
